so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
