I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
