The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
