You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
