another moral hangover. fuck.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
