garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
