Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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