My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
