Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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