Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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