just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
