this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i've created a new STD.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
