Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
