pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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