just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
