I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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