Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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