please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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