Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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