I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
