Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
