On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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