like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
