i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
