I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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