you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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