we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
