Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
