Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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