All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
