He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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