you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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