I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
