i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
