His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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