I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
