I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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