there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
