he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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