JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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