I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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