We won't sleep together?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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