sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
