I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
im on a boat
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