what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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