As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I die, sorry about rent.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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