Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
