Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize