Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just want nice things and good sex
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
