ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
