we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
