You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
