God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
