felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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