I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
