I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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