I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
