Where is the hickey?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Who died my cat blue again?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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