I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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