judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
