I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
