went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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