well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
