Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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