Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
