just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
