Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
