He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
