I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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