no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize