dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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