I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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