i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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