I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
