Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
