forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
